Forget what you see in romantic movies, pornography and erotic books, most women (about 80%) do not reach climax or orgasm from just penetrative sex. Studies have shown that only 18 out of every 100 women experience vaginal orgasm.
If you find it difficult to reach orgasm, know that you’re not alone. This article outlines 10 reasons why you’re not reaching orgasm and possible solutions.
Reasons why you’re not reaching orgasm
1. You’re not built for it
The ability to reach orgasm mostly depends on the position of the clitoris in the vagina. Direct stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse is impossible or difficult for most women because the clitoris is far from the vagina. The result of the aforementioned is the inability of these women to have orgasms from sex alone.
If this describes you, all hope isn’t lost. Try the following during sex:
- Give him a helping hand (direct him or show him where to touch during intercourse)
- Hold off vaginal penetration till when you’re ready to climax (heavy foreplay which includes Cunin Lingus, should be a precursor to penetration)
- Try out positions such as cowgirl (girl on top), that helps achieve clitoral stimulation,
- Use a vibrator to spice things up
2. You’re not physically ready
One reason why women find it difficult to reach orgasm is physical readiness. After the kisses or smooching, most women think they are ready for clitoral stimulation or vaginal orgasm. For the average woman, reaching orgasm takes between twenty minutes to an hour.
- Mix things up a little – try a combination of oral sex, fingering or manual stimulation and vaginal sex.
- Build up with sex toy.
- Get yourself in the mood before attempting sex
- Improve the sensitivity of the clitoris by using cooling or heating gel.
3. You’re too tired
Having sex while tired, isn’t going to be pleasurable and most likely won’t lead to orgasm. If you’re regularly too tired to have sex, try:
- Changing the time of your sex-capades to when you’re full of energy or less tired.
- Indulging in regular exercise to release endorphins which give extra energy
- Retire to bed early enough to have a sex session before sleep takes you.
If the sex bores you, achieving orgasm is going to be an impossibility. If you find yourself counting ceilings while having sex, you need to spice things up to make it fun and interesting.
Try the following:
- Try out new positions
- Let sex be spontaneous
- Communicate what you want to your partner
- Move the sex location from the bedroom once in a while.
5. Your head isn’t in the game
Sex for women is 90% mental stimulation. Bringing your problems to bed, won’t get you relaxed enough to enjoy sex. Women who are distracted during sex will not achieve orgasm.
- Don’t bring your worries to bed
- Always communicate your feeling to your partner before sex
- Don’t hold on to worries, know when to let go
- Trying relaxation techniques before bed would help a lot.
6. You’re too insecure about your body
You may be feeling insecure about your body but most times your partner doesn’t feel the same. What you consider as flaws could be things that turn him on. Don’t allow this to keep you from enjoying sex.
- Put on lingerie, this would make you a bit comfortable and confident.
- Try to establish trust with your partner.
- Try to understand that nobody criticises you like you and let go.
- Most men are too happy to get naked with you to worry about how you look.
7. You are yet to establish trust
Casual sex is something people do, but the majority of women may not reach orgasm during these sex-capades. Studies show that only 40% of women reach orgasm during casual sex. Women aren’t built for casual sex.
- Stay on your own till you meet someone you can connect with and trust enough to indulge in sex with.
- You can use sex toys to get you to the finish line
- Ensure you practice safe sex, so your subconscious worries about the risk involved and keep you from reaching the finish line.
8. Your focus is too much on the climax
Like a journey, sex includes both the ride and destination. Most women don’t get to reach orgasm because they’re too concerned about the destination. This would take the fun out of the ride and prevent you from reaching the destination.
- Before embarking on the journey, decide that you can reach the destination while enjoying the ride
- The more you obsess about reaching orgasm, the lesser the chance of you getting there
Use vibrators, this would facilitate the destination
- Try to relax and discard agitation.
9. You’re not turned on
Sex for women starts in the mind. Reaching orgasm would be impossible if the mind is not turned on completely. You can deliberately get turned on doing the following.
- An hour before the sex-capade, watch soft porn
- Before bed, try to read an erotica
- Try sexting during the day
- Let your mind dwell on the sex hours before it happens
10. Your partner lacks focus
If your partner isn’t focused on your sexual needs, mentally and physically, you are likely not going to reach orgasm.
- Be in charge of the sex-capade (foreplay and positions)
- Show your partner what you want
- Help him to help you reach orgasm
Reaching orgasm is a possibility, this won’t happen for the majority of women through penetrative sex. The trick is to understand how your body works and what it would take to hit the climax, communicate this to your partner, so he’d know what to do.
Which of the steps are you likely going to work on?
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