If you carry out a poll, you’d be surprised by the number of sexually frustrated spouses. It is amazing how most spouses would feel comfortable in their frustration without looking for a solution.
Sex for couples isn’t necessarily only for pleasure. It has been proven to be tension-reducing and relaxing. It is like a glue that enhances the bond of intimacy and the quality of connection.
For health, sex, adds longevity to your lifespan. It helps to boost your cardiovascular health, brings a sense of tranquility, and elevates the peace within.
What then do you do when is your spouse is denying you your fundamental right to the aforementioned? It can be super frustrating.
This frustration occurs mostly in two situations. First, you want sex, but your spouse isn’t willing. Second, sex can’t happen temporarily due to situations you can’t control, take health challenges for example.
Let us work with the first scenario before the second. What do you do when you’re super horny but your spouse isn’t complying?
Deal with time-consuming activity in your home
Some times the reason for your spouse not wanting to have sex isn’t far fetched. Try to observe how much time is spent on Netflix, Telenovelas, video games, football matches amongst other time stealers. These activities can be libido assassins. They target, hijack, and suck up all of the attention. They set your spouse free only when its midnight or in the early am. He/she becomes drained and exhausted, with the softness of the bed coming to the rescue. This can easily become a routine.
You should have a talk with your spouse about discontinuing these activities. So there would be enough time to focus on the wellbeing of your relationship. You both should work on creating a list of activities to do together. The regularity of sex is increased when there are lesser obstacles.
2. Ensure that there is no sexual related addiction.
If your spouse isn’t psyched about having sex with you, there may be a porn addiction lurking around. Pornography kills sex drive.
Things to look out for:
- Your spouse acts funny when you walk in on them thumbing through their phones and hides the screen from you.
- You never see their phones lying around
- Acts defensive when asks to use their phone.
3. Consider seeing a counselor or therapist
Sexual abuse from the past could be the culprit here. Dealing with that trauma can be very tough. It will take a lot of patience and understanding from on your part, for a full recovery.
This may entail seeking the help of a psychiatrist, trauma therapist, or a counselor.
Aside from abuse, other issues like self-esteem, feeling inadequate, poor body image, etc. could be responsible. It could be that anxiety or depression may be repressing your spouse’s libido. Seeing a licensed professional can help restore sexual wellbeing.
4. Confront your expectations.
Question yourself about your sexual expectations. Your spouse may have a more physically demanding job than you. Or maybe drained from different responsibilities and as such, wouldn’t be mentally, emotionally, and physically available to have sex as frequently as you want. Considering your spouse’s schedule, your expectation for regularity can be reduced if they are unrealistic.
It would be wiser to readjust your expectations to avoid being let down.
5. Question your spouse about what would enhance the ease and frequency of sex.
You may find out that your spouse may not want to have sex because they have little or no time for themselves. This happens mostly to the ladies. It will help a great deal if you could relieve her of some of her responsibilities, to create time for herself. This could help them get in the mood if you know what I mean.
It wouldn’t be bad if you decide to take the lead during sex, especially if your spouse has a physically demanding job. Allowing him to take the lead when it is obvious he is physically stressed is an invitation to cardiac arrest.
Lets quickly look at the second scenario; Sex can’t happen because of a health challenge or long absence of your spouse. What do you do?
Channel all of that sexual energy into physical exercise. You’d be too tired to think about sex when you’re done.
7. Get a hubby
Look for something that can engage your mind for hours. This can help distract you from the thoughts of sex
8. Stay away from sexual triggers
Romcoms, Romance novel, and love songs should be no go areas for you. If you indulge, you’d be making things difficult for your self.
I hope with these few steps of mine, I’ve been able to enlighten and not confuse you on the steps in tackling sexual frustration.
Please feel free to drop questions or contributions in the comment section.